Monday, March 14, 2011

Anxiety

My day has been filled with anxiety - mine and others.

Coming back to work after a week away always makes me a bit anxious..... not knowing what might have occured that I need to fix or intervene in....and there was plenty "stuff" to deal with today!

I also know there is an HR issue that just has to be dealt with this week and it ain't gonna be pretty and that gives me that pit in my stomach anxious feeling.

I had a couple staff who had clearly been waiting for my return so they could transfer their own anxieties onto someone elses shoulders (that's why they pay me the big bucks right????).

And then there is the clear anxiety that the earthquake in Japan has brought. Suddenly we are making sure all our emergency kits are properly stocked and we have re-checked all the plans. Personally I need to make sure we would be ok at home in an earthquake... The digital age has allowed us to be anxious about things so very far away and often its good to be aware of the suffering of others.  But it can also make us feel so powerless to help and that can make us anxious and sometimes guilty for the ease of our own lives.

And we all carry anxieties about our own situations either at home, at work, things our friends and family are facing and I am The Queen at being anxious about just about everything.  Having a faith certainly helps me in this area but too often I keep it to myself rather than giving it over.

So sometimes anxiety drives us to action, sometimes it consumes us until we can share it with someone or make a plan to cope with it and sometimes it paralyzes us.

I have felt a little of each of these today.   Moments when I have picked up the phone and dealt with the issue or sent an email to clarify a situation, other moments when I have absorbed someone elses anxiety and helped them formulate a plan to get through the situation and I will admit once or twice today I just wanted to put my head down on my desk and close my eyes and shut it all out for a few minutes.

Mostly I just imagined that in a week I will be on the beach in Oregon and sucked it up and carried on.....

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