Some weeks simply suck.
There ain' t no sugar coating this one...... it sucked.
I was bumping along quite nicely, managing a too busy life and a too heavy workload but I was managing (with help from my merry band of supporters). And then I awoke to the CBC news on Wednesday morning "Bit of a traffic snarl in Richmond as an under construction housing development is burning". I looked at Allan. "Couldn't be" I said....... then the traffic lady said "Just east of Garden City on Cambie". Then I said a bad word.
Within 2 minutes I knew the worst. I was actually strangely detached. I was shocked, of course, but still not fully engaged with the info...... you know how the media can blow these things out of proportion...... but as the minutes went by, I dropped David at school and headed over to the site of my oh-so-soon--to-be-opened-so-long-anticipated child care centre and when I saw the smoke and saw the utter decimation of the 6 storey housing development - even the fact the daycare was still standing did little to stem the tears. I have poured much of myself into expanding the desperately needed child care services we offer. I have been working on this expansion for over 7 years and we were SO close........ I had equipment bought and stored, we just set the enrollment protocol, I had staff waiting to move, the appliances were picked, the playground designed and the installer ready........ and just.like.that......... it is all up in the air.
But as always in times of crisis (I use this term reservedly as really in the scheme of things - this is hardly a crisis to anyone but the developer, the people who had pre-bought the condos, the construction workers and me) it's amazing how people respond. All day long my phone literally rang off the hook. Even the head of child care for the BC Govt. called and once I assured her their half a million was still in our bank account she was very concerned....... I had to chuckle......but so many colleagues, parents both current and former of kids in our centres, previous Board members, my friends and family........ lots of concern.... not just for the organisation but for me personally.
I knew it would be important to set the tone when I got to my office so I finished my crying in my car and was chipper when I got to the office. I shared the photos I had taken and what I had been told by the fire fighters. I think my staff felt relieved I wasn't an obvious basket case. I was so touched when they gave me a lovely card at the end of the day....and a bottle of wine....... (maybe I didn't mask the basket case thing quite enough:).... I was very touched. The day is a blur...... and then I had to teach that night which was very hard and I had another few tears on the way home.
It really was a bit like the straw that broke the camels back .... yes I just called myself a camel......... but that bit of extra drama, angst , whatever........ made the rest of the load seem heavier (or maybe, as my therapist might be proud to hear me say, I let myself feel the truth and once the tears started it has been a bit hard to hold them back).
I will admit to feeling quite overwhelmed and very, very tired. But the last big conference is next week and truly things do settle a bit after that. I teach all day tomorrow (Saturday), Allan is away, David has soccer and the rookie McMath Rugby team made the playoffs - Yay Wildcats - but that means another wild dash to West Vancouver on Monday.....so another packed week........
I wish I could offer a more inspiring post that this one but sometimes reality bites........I wasn't going to share this story but this is my space after all and if you dislike the gloom either hang around and wait until Little Miss Sunshine reappears or press the "next blog" button at the top and see what the rest of Blog World is saying....
To those who offered kind words and solidarity this week - YOU are my peeps - there would be no point in carrying on if I didn't have all of you! And to my husband, thanks for absorbing the tears, I promise to be more together when you get home tomorrow :)