I am unsurprisingly down this morning and over our coffee Allan and I both admitted to beating back the creep of depression.
There is so much to say about how and why we find ourselves sitting in our home in BC in 2014 and feeling hopeless, defeated, angry but most of all, for me, profoundly sad.
I am not a natural optimist but as I engaged with so many others in fighting for public education all summer I did have hope.
Hope that the Union would lower its demands. Which it finally did.
Hope that the government would respect the rule of law and move from their entrenched position. Which it hasn't.
When the mediator stepped in my hopes rose.
And for the umpteenth time in the last 11 weeks they have been dashed.
Only this time my bounce back is battered.
It's not only that the bank balance is frightening although can I just say that staring down another month with no paycheck for 50% of this households income is the stuff of sleepless nights.
It's not only that our daughter should have been starting her Graduation year and all its attendant ceremony and tradition and workload although can I just say that when I allow myself to consider just how impactful this late start could be on her future ....well....more sleepless nights.
It's not only that the trip for David to France in October, that we and he saved so long for, is truly on the line as teachers may not be available to travel with them and I am not accepting any less than him travelling with professional teachers although can I just say that forfeiting the $3000 we paid .....you get the picture....there is little sleep happening here.
It's not just that my spouse and his colleagues have been vilified in the media as greedy and entitled. That these teachers will return at some point to their classrooms depressed, disillusioned and likely disconnected from the professional they have passionately pursued for years.
I am not sure the deep and lasting impacts that will have on our education system, on our children's experience of school....
And I remain confused on the end game here. Is a win even still possible for our kids? And if not then what? How long? To what end? I don't even get how the government wins here....unless starving teachers into submission WAS their end game?
I feel utterly betrayed by a government who seems to hate teachers, have little regard for parents and certainly doesn't care for the children who walk into public school day after day.
At this point in a post like this I usually put on my brave face.
I enumerate the many ways we are blessed and lucky.
The many, many things we should be and are grateful for.
But today I cannot.
Today the anger and sadness sit heavy on my heart and mind and I am too tired to shake them.( thanks, in part,
to all those sleepless nights)
There are real people being hurt here.
I am going to find the energy to send some more emails today..... a last kick at the can..... for my kids, for Allan.
I hope if you have some energy today and you are in this mess with us you will do the same.
#holdingtheline....... only just.