Friday, May 23, 2014

10 minutes

I know this is my blog.

Chronicling my life mostly for my family's reading horror pleasure.

But there is only so much gloominess anyone other than Eeyore can take.

I think it is safe to say that right now life is a tad on the tough side.

I am not going to bore either of us with the litany of less than stellar moments this week has dished.

When the alarm went off this morning my brain said "Get up" but my body "Who are you kidding?"

The sore throat-turned-cold-cough-probably-legionnaires-disease had robbed me of just enough sleep to make me a partial zombie and slightly fearful for those around me should I attempt to be in the public.

So I dozed through the morning between various phone calls and emails.  Don't get me started on the ridiculous conversation with the car insurance person who need "my husband" to verify if she can speak to me about the claim, that happened to me, on my vehicle, that I called in yesterday.  I may have been "short" with her.

The rain stopped pouring.  I got up. Showered. Emerged downstairs around noon to bouncy brown puppy.

I am going to chronicle the last 10 minutes of my life


Decide to make coffee.

Realise the coffee maker needs cleaning.  Clean it, espresso machine, kettle, dishwasher and half the stove before my mucus filled brain remembered I wanted needed coffee.

Open coffee canister.


Text Allan asking whereabouts of coffee and threatening to jump off bridge if we are out.

Allan hasn't answered yet.

Find enough residual beans in the grinder to eke out one miserable cup.

Try to contain my rage.

Decide to have eggo waffle and nutella for lunch.  Don't judge me.

First nutella bottle is empty.

Lucky for some teens who reside here there is another jar.

Decide to sit in the sun outside and not noticing small puddle at the back of chair seat - I sit in it.

While muttering I go back into the kitchen to get a dishtowel to wipe the chair, returning to see the dog licking the nutella.

On my waffle.

Make another waffle.

Dog delivers slimy blue ball into my lap. Ewww.

Dog needs training of how to say sorry in a more appropriate way.

While contemplating next move the doorbell rings.

Open door to earnest young man touting religion I am not interested in.

He leaves without too much of a fuss.

Walk into the bathroom to get a tissue for the streaming nose.

No tissues.

As I get a roll of TP I catch site of my nutella streaked face in the mirror.

(Now my new strategy for dealing with religion touters is to keep nutella at the door).

Wipe face and leave bathroom - except for my baby toe which stays behind.

Bad word.

There you have it.  

Take the last 10 minutes and times them 500 and you have an approximation of my week.

Off to take a nap.

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