I truly detest that BFF thing.......
Maybe because I am older (hopefully a little more mature) I have no use for the grading of friends.
Best, closest, oldest........
I simply feel blessed to have friends that love me for who I am and I love them for who they are and we continue to invest in these friendships for what they bring us......friendship.
Having lived in this world as a girl, a teenage girl...... I lived the BFF rollercoaster...... I have seen my daughter and her friends ride it..... thrilling at times but often so unnecessary and unproductive....leaving one breathless and a little lost.
If only we could somehow get to the notion of friendship as the destination, the point, sooner in our lives (maybe others have managed that but I suspect many women are often trapped in this unhealthy competitive and exclusive race for friends).
Tonight I had dinner with my friend Kim who appears in this blog in a way that mirrors our friendship.... infrequently but with a depth of life story that exceeds most of my friendships in Canada.
We have history.....which is a gift itself.....especially for me who moved across the world leaving many friendships behind.
We began our friendship in those intense years of the mid-late 20's when we were both young working Mom's living in a co-op in Marpole Vancouver......trying to figure out our stuff.....how to be mothers, working mothers, raise a family, be healthy, invest in our marriages, not kill the other people in the co-op..... weighty things......things we hashed out as we walked to work in the morning from 70th and Granville to 4th and Vine.....a long way.....8km every morning until the Lindsay growing in my belly made me too slow to waddle that far.....
And how we ended that walk perhaps best describes us....... we stopped at the same spot everyday for breakfast.....a little place close to our offices called The Lazy Gourmet. I, creature of habit and lover of routine, ate the exact same thing everyday to the point that the sesame bagel would be in the toaster before I walked in the door to a warm welcome by my name everyday. Kim, lover of change and studious avoider of routine, purposely changed her order everyday. Eventually she even changed the place we stopped for breakfast.
I loved being a regular....Kim hated it.
And I love her for that.
We couldn't be more different and yet our lives are so often on exactly parallel trajectories.
We see each other face to face very seldom but its always ok .... we talk or email alot.....maybe not as much as in years past but we don't need the chatter as much....we know each other....we get what's going on...that life is busy, kids, marriage, career.....
I am not going to break into "Wind beneath my wings" here because its not a sappy friendship, Kim would either die laughing or punch my lights out.....our friendship is mellow and easy and deep and enduring.....and I feel so lucky.
We will talk non-stop when we see each other tonight. About everything. We will be honest. We will laugh.
She will tell me I need a change. I will tell her she doesn't.
I will tell her I need a photo for this blog and for the fact I don't believe one of the two of us together even exists....... she will most likely refuse.....or maybe give in grudgingly...... because she loves me.
Kim - your friendship has blessed my life for 20 years..... here's to many many more!