Thursday, January 24, 2013

Driven?

I was at my first RMT (Registered massage therapy) appointment a week ago and answering the standard "getting to know you" questions.  It was an hour long appointment as the therapist tried to prise my vice like neck and back muscles into submission.  I also found it very hard to relax....I actually had to work at it ....and unlike most of his patients who are practically asleep after 45 minutes I was wide-eyed and chatty. 

Toward the end of the appointment Rod said " Well Nicky I think you are one of the most driven people I have ever met".

"Driven"

I felt immediately uncomfortable with that characterization of myself.

Busy - yes.
Type A - yes.
Passionate - yes.
A tad crazy - yes.

But driven bothered me. 

I have been pondering about why that would be so?
Or why when describing my life someone would come to that word?

As I was out running in the rain on the dyke close to our house late yesterday.....noting I was the only person out there...... having just worked a full day - dashed to the grocery store and home, made sure dinner was in the capable hands of my daughter.   I was about to get home, shower, eat dinner with the family and then host a Study Group with a group of colleagues in my field until 10pm.  Is that driven?

Hmmm..... I wondered......why am I out here running in the rain?  Making this old, out of shape body run...in the rain?  None of the right gear on, wet feet, no music.....just an app telling me my pace and distance.....maybe....maybe...... I am driven.  Maybe there is a drive deep inside me that keeps me moving forward on this run and in life. 

I don't have to do this - I chose this.

I don't have the answer.......I still don't think driven is the right word.......  How about focused?


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