It seems like just moments ago we Byres 4 were bobbing in an aqua ocean miles away...together.
And suddenly tonight is the last dinner of just our 4 before things change.
It literally takes my breath away how quickly this moment is upon us.
Mostly upon me.
For I am the emotional flag bearer in this parade.
I am the one marking the moment.
I think we are all feeling it but when I asked how this dinner might be spent, what we may want to eat, or do on this night of just us 4.... there was a quietness that is unlike us.
It's that fear to not over do a moment. To eschew the dramatic moment.
To be cool and ok.
But this is a big moment. For me but also for us.
What has passed for normal everyday life in this family, in this home, is about to change.
We don't have to be sad
But I do need to stop and feel this moment.
I do feel it as my throat is tight, my eyes watery and my heart a bit achy.
I also feel so grateful for the years we have had, for the way this family has figured out life together.
We haven't always done it right, it hasn't always been easy, we have blown it with each other more than once, we have lied, yelled, been unkind, used words to hurt, slammed the odd door, been more absent than present, had silent family dinners....but we have always found a way to touch the foundation of love we have and find our way back to ourselves and to each other.
So as I sit tonight at the aptly named Peaceful Restaurant, while calling my dear ones attention to the moment, while batting down the tears, I will feel tremendous pride at what each of us have brought to this family:
Courage, joy, sass, wisdom, patience, passion, intelligence, wit, curiosity, persistence, perseverance but mostly for the love. And gratitude that in the end there was much more laughter than tears.
We have so much to be grateful for and it's these things that will sustain us through the changes ahead.
In Maui the kids kept quipping "Ohana means family and
family means no one gets left behind"... which besides proving they watched too much Lilo and Stitch, serves as a great catch phrase for us..for now..
Family is forever. New journeys are starting, new things to be discovered and enjoyed and celebrated. Likely a few heartaches and trials to come too. Things will be different. A new normal will be found.
The foundation is strong and deep and enough for us all as we venture on.
My darlings Allan, Lindsay and David, I love you all. Forever.