Monday, January 11, 2016

Into the Arena

I have been eagerly and anxiously anticipating stepping into Dr. Brene Browns "Arena"

She uses a quote by Theodore Roosevelt to preface her work...

No big deal right...... GULP.

It's been a long time since I invested either personally or professionally in myself.  

But after reading enough of Dr Browns work and picking up the Daring Greatly book I actually bought for Allan ironically....I decided to sign up for her online leadership course.

It started today.  

No ..... I haven't watched the video.  But I did peek at the workbook for session 1 of 6.

Eeek.

It's about to get real.  

Inside my head at least.

I'm ready to tackle some big topics for myself and for my work.  

I'm not sure if it's a new year, or my looming birthday but I am feeling dissatisfied with the voices and ever-longer conversations I have with myself.

I am both boring and exhausting to talk to. And there is very little, if any, perspective to be had in my head. And I am not necessarily all that kind or forgiving of my real and perceived short-comings.  I have cultivated being busy, pursuing excellence and extending love and care to others.  This stuff fills me up. It does.  But as I get older I am finding I need to pay attention to the internal gas tank that is sometimes falling faster than I anticipated.  

It's time to take a long hard look at some things.

If ever there was a year for me to ever so slightly take my foot off the gas at work, this is it.  It has been a bumpy but interesting road the last while and now we are in a relatively flat spot, an in-between space.  There is another hill looming and I need gas in the tank not just for me but for the whole organisation.  We have good and important and hard work to do and that is going to take a leader who dares greatly.  Who shows up and picks herself up every time she stumbles. 

That needs to be me.  

And I have so much to learn.  

I am proud of where we and I are today but I still get caught up in regret for things I handled badly, problems I didn't foresee, deadlines and documents I missed or misplaced (don't even ask about my VISA receipts!).  This happens in my personal life too.  I get caught up in busy and forget to nurture myself and sometimes those around me.

I am going in to the arena and I am going to slay a few personal dragons (fingers crossed).  

I'm going to shut the "not good enough" voices the heck up. 

So easy to type.  So NOT easy to do. 

Here I go....I am stepping in.... AND that is perhaps my first daring greatly act. 

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