Friday, March 3, 2017


A while ago I had a cold and I came to the conclusion I had not been nearly grateful enough for dual nostril breathing.  

And truly since then when I put out the light and turn over at night and take a deep breath in and let it out I AM grateful for both nostrils working.

But there is a new thing I have to be grateful for. 

Another thing one never thinks about until the simple act of doing it causes 9/10 pain.

I am ever so grateful for the simple and massively unappreciated act of pain free swallowing.

Unlike the nostril thing where you can usually get one working, even if takes creative pillow placement, when your throat feels like a lava tube on an angry volcano there is no alternative. 

And, of course, I have the most over-active salivary glands in the free world.  When I go to the dentist and they have that saliva sucker thingy they usually offer you every so often to suction out you mouth.... yeah....when I go they duct tape that sucker to my mouth and put it on maximum suck for the whole appointment just so they can find my teeth.

Listen ... if I can find a meme for this then I am NOT the only one who has it!

So I swallow..... a LOT...which right now is not a happy thing.  I have devised strategies to slow down the swallow rate but I end up looking like a blowfish every 3 minutes.  In the middle of one fevered night I decided I would need to buy one of those dentist suction thingys and I googled it at first light.  In the light and with some hot tea soothing my throat I decided I was too cheap and it was altogether too weird to buy it afterall. 
But it did cause me to have to confront the fact I had never considered.... that the saliva is going somewhere...I never gave any thought to this but given I live 5 doors down from a huge dental practice I found myself now registering that when the big earthquake hits - among the other 500 things I will need to be worried about - I will now also be worried about possibility of the saliva tanks at the dentist office cracking and having to avoid the spit of all my neighbours!

Oi vey

Today I can swallow without wincing and the thought of eating solid food doesn't seem unachievable. I think I have rumbled with strep throat and am winning thanks to copious amounts of tea and an interesting combination of over the counter medications.  

I am well caught up on world and current events thanks to CBC Radio and my scrabble games are all up to date on my phone. 

I look forward to being back on my feet, freely swallowing, just in time to start the boot camp I stupidly impulsively signed up for before the lava moved into my throat.  

But if strep throat didn't kill me surely burpees and sprints wont.

Right?  Right?

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