Focus

The last few months have been full, busy....and although my absolute intention was not to give up my own self-care in the process, my eating plan and my exercising, well.........intention did not equal action in this case.

As the stress kicked in I started skipping meals and missing workouts as the hours at work increased.

And then I started eating crap.

Justifying little rewards for myself for how hard I was working.

The other day at despicable Walmart, where economics trumps ethics, I found myself trying to stretch a thin work budget further.  With my buggy loaded with miscellaneous child care items I reached for a chocolate bar while standing in the check out line.

I have not done that in over 2 years since I became calorie aware and made a firm decision to spend my calories more wisely.  In that 2 years since I dropped 25lbs and have kept all of it off until 5lbs crept back this summer I have eaten chocolate to be sure but I have had the discipline to not grab a bar in the check out line as I had done so often before then.

But on this very tired day I rummaged through the bars until I found the one with the least calories (Its Aero BTW - the bubbles lighten the caloric load apparently) and then I sat in the car and ate it in 5 minutes flat with my 3rd Americano of the day.

And then I felt stupid.

I know better - I have better discipline than that.......

So I have shoveled the whole hill of excuses I made all summer about not eating well and missing workouts and I have recommitted to the path I know well.

Exercise........ track the calories..... smarten the heck up!

The hard part is putting me first - not letting work or other things crowd out my time to exercise, choosing the healthier option rather than the one everyone else is choosing......going with the family for ice cream and not eating any myself and not feeling bad about that.

We love food - we have some great cooks in our house and I am so grateful for the many times food, good food has been shared with friends and family around our table.  I want all that to continue but I will have a smaller helping and load up on the veggies.

This isn't about having to be in a swimsuit in the middle of winter this year, or a million vacation photos of which at least 5 will feature me..... not entirely... It's about being healthy and yes, for me, that means thinner.....I  want  to feel strong and fit and less flabby....

My muscles are talking back this morning after a great Jazzercise class last night....feels so good.

I faced the scale.

Plugged the number into my Fitness Pal app.

Set some goals and I am off.

Focused!

Game on

You all know I am not a competitive person right?  

As long as you stay out of my way I won't mow you down.

But in this one thing I can be a tiny bit competitive.

Silent Auctions. 

I know, I know.... doesn't sound like a sport to you but you are quite wrong. 

It is a highly competitive and strategic matter. 

Training is required.

Rookies go around writing down their names willy-nilly,  all excited..... spreading themselves thin across multiple items.  This requires much rushing around the room in high heels to keep track of the bids..... exhausting....one needs to be in shape.

And then the strategy.  

One must protect the bids of highest desire.  

If this means standing chatting and sipping wine in front of the the bid sheet obnoxiously blocking all others...then one must do so.  

If the bid sheet slides under the table cloth or something else....well....it can happen.  

If the fire alarm goes off with just seconds until the bids close.....

If the pen disappears just minutes before the auction ends....it can be sad. 

For others.  

The exclamation of "I won I won" while flourishing the sheet and credit card should be done with some decorum.....you "won" after all ...no need to make a big song and dance about getting your taxes prepared for $60 for the next 3 years.....its for charity.... win win win.... ok maybe the accountant didn't exactly "win" in this instance.  

Allan argues that if one pays for the item it isn't exactly "won"

Whatever.

Needless to say I have "won" a fair number of items over the years.  Most of them I have needed or wanted.  At least 3 jackets hanging in the front hall closet and more than one painting on my walls have been "won".

So when my friends and colleagues introduced me to an online FB Bidding site....it did not take 5 minutes for me to be HOOKED.

Only for Richmond residents (back off Vancouver, Delta, Surrey, the world!) someone posts an item for sale and the sale lasts 24 hours.

Exactly 24 hours.

You can follow without bidding and then set your phone to alert you to the last 5 minutes and then wait and with surgical precision strike at the last moment with the winning bid.  Oh the joy!  

I have sold 2 items from my kids rooms and I have just spent the afternoon picking up some winnings around town for the new child care centre.(and that new pair of shoes for Lindsay)

Amazing bargains......or they would be if my "friends" stopped bidding against me.  Emily Vera owes me at least a latte for bidding up the table I won at 10:21pm last night.... as we were drinking beer together!!!!!!!

My strategies from live silent auctions to online have yet to be perfected..... but trust me.....I am honing them.

It has been great fun and the sell prices are generally good bargains which is great - we all have stuff others could use and this allows us to get rid of them and get a little $$ too.....the two families who bought the huge set of fisher price electric trains (20) and the Wii Band Hero (25) both messaged me to say how much they are enjoying their new stuff..... Nice!

So anyone local who wants in on the action.... message me.

But a warning to you.....don't get in my way....Not that I am competitive or anything......

First week Blues

Isn't it easy, in the craziness and stress of this first week back to work, school, new centre...to forget we just had a summer?  And huge thunder storms sure do not help!!!

I realize much of this blog has been focused on my journey to the new centre this summer and although, as we sat down for dinner the night before school and reflected together as a family on what the highlights of the summer had been, we all agreed we missed having a vacation together (a fact of which I will remind them after 4 weeks of traveling together in Dec/Jan!).

And of course it was that big trip that curtailed our summer plans as much as me not having the time or ability to be away.

We did stop for a moment "to count our blessings" of the summer too and remember the way we worked fun into the busyness with small trips, camps, shopping, concerts....this work/life balance thing can be exhausting!

So here are some of our summer blessings.......

Portland
Beach picnics and sunsets
Camp (for the kids)
Surviving camp in one piece (the parents)
Fishing (Allan and David)
More fishing (Allan)
An adventure with Gaga to Victoria (the kids and my Mom)
Walks with friends
Great Big Sea Concert (Allan and I)
Lots of Backyard BBQ's
Bike riding (Nicky)
Lovely weather
Wine
A much improved puppy
Wanders in the Village
Time with friends
Ice cream
Nerf Wars (David)
Confirmation (Lindsay)
Great food
Visitors from Edmonton
Whistler (Lindsay)
Back to school shopping with Dad and Gaga
Lots of down time, couch time, movies, backyard time, projects done, major room clean-outs for the kids..... home time.....slow time....

It's good to count so many blessings from a quiet summer, a close to home summer.....we live in a beautiful place....the weather was amazing.

And 3 months from today we step on a plane to an unimaginable adventure and vacation......  The Fall will fly by I am sure.

Thanks Summer 2013...... see you again on the other side of the globe!

Wordless Wednesday - Museum of Anthropology

My son

It is so surprising that today Mr David is 14 years old..... it really does feel liked I just blinked and BAM that tiny, wriggly baby boy is a growing teenage boy.

But what a joy to watch him transition from childhood into young adulthood in his own perfectly David way.

He is such a great example of resiliency....nothing..... not vision issues, not bullying, not being physically small, not being being the youngest in a family of all first borns...... nothing has stopped this boy from finding his place in the world and a huge circle of friends.... young and old..... who love him.

Such a good lesson for an over anxious Mom to realise that most often despite our worries our children are going to be ok......we just have to hold on to them and love them (and pray like mad!).

And as is often the case the child schools the parent....... David never gives up.....he is tenacious and confident.....in soccer he goes for the tackle even if the opponent is towering over him.....he keeps at it.  He learned a new language last year......Mandarin ...... and it was hard.....but he did it.  No matter how much breakfast you give him he will always ask for more....

I have always held the quality of perseverance in high regard and I am so delighted to see it in my son.

David also sees the good in every person, he holds very few prejudices and he loves and empathizes deeply. He doesn't hold much store in being "cool" but rather being "kind".  He knows that people will judge the choices he makes and he is ok with that.  A self-proclaimed "band geek" he lives for the beat of the drums and has been fully enveloped in the community of the band room at school.  As his FB post today reveals he has a very diverse set of friends, at least a couple older girls who "mother" him, a couple boys who "brother" him and many many more from his age to much older who call him friend.

David is hungry for facts and knowledge and I defy you to find a subject on which he does not have an opinion (usually well informed and researched).  His breadth of conversation is sometimes staggering even for a news hound Mama.  It is hard to win an argument with him either because he is right or he will not concede the point until irrefutable evidence is produced to negate his point.  In that regard perseverance can quickly become stubbornness.  He is learning humility somewhere along the way I hope.

My son, you have taught me so much....... and I love who you are and who you are becoming.  Always be true to yourself and be the smart, gentle, funny, loving, curious, persistent person so many people love.

Happy 14th Birthday David Byres!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox to infinity..........

Descent

If you have flown in airplanes much you may have learned to detect that precise moment when the pilot slows the plane and prepares for descent.

Its a certain change in the hum of the engine....a slight change.....

A few minutes later they announce the plane to be on final descent to the destination.

And the passengers perk up and pack up and prepare for arrival.

I felt that moment.....that moment where the journey goes from level to nose down......when the final destination comes tangibly close.

After an incredibly hard week in many, many ways.......despite careful and meticulous preparation the aforementioned hurdles plus the illness of  my trusty sidekick and right hand colleague for the whole week meant a week of running hard.

There were times is was comedic - the number of people needing my attention, the random people showing up to do unscheduled things (like turn off the water for 6 hours just before all the children and families arrived for their first visit!!!), the never ending lists the staff teams kept generating for me to get and do, answering hundreds of questions....... one of the new staff exclaimed in frustration one afternoon "Nicky....we just need another one of you so we can get things done around here!"......OK then!

I was at work before 6am twice and after 6pm twice.  I am surprised I haven't walked a pathway around the building and up and down the stairs.  The Mazda and I ran errand upon errand.   

But on Friday afternoon at 2:30pm I sent everyone upstairs and I turned down the lights downstairs, lit some candles, put on some music and put some driftwood sculptures in each room (that Lindsay and I salvaged from the river at 8pm the night before) and together the staff, their families, my family, staff from across the SRCC, a Board member.... we took time to quietly walk through the space and write down our hopes and dreams for the children, for the families and for the staff in each room and we tied them on to the driftwood.  

The staff had a space to write themselves a letter that I will send them 6 months from now when the newness and freshness has worn off and the work is the work......they took time to put their thoughts down on paper.

It was in these sacred and special moments I heard the tone of the engine change.....I knew we were coming in for a landing soon......and as the staff and families left and I cleaned up the rooms.....I felt the emotion rising.......tired..... bone tired, achy tired, brain tired......and yet proud, delighted, relieved ......so much accomplished....so much to offer the community, such an amazing place.... the work of so many people ......and ready...licensed and ready to welcome families and children and to do the work of "Changing the world by Honouring Childhood" .

I lived into my vision this week - a rare opportunity - a growing and challenging time......but one from which I learned so much and for which I am actually grateful (or I will be after I sleep for a week).

As the tears flowed at home last night as I fell into the warm and sustaining embrace of my family ...I knew we had made it.....the landing is coming and we are going to be alright.  

Thanks for being on the journey with me.

Hurdles

Have you ever watched those hurdles races at an athletic meet......when a hurdler missteps and then starts to hit the hurdles instead of clearing them......it gets ugly, disjointed, inelegant.....its almost impossible to regain your rhythm and get back over those hurdles.

In this race to open our new facility there have been many many hurdles.  

We have switched locations, changed building types and sizes, gone through project managers, real estate contacts, had several communication break downs, too many cost over runs...... not to mention the building burned down 3 years ago and we had to start over.

But through it all, I have managed to skim the top of the hurdles and make it over.....sometimes my toes tapped the top and the hurdle wobbled but it stayed up....

Of course by this point in the race I am pretty darn tired.......there has been a lot of heavy lifting literally as well as lots of background work, human resources, managing budgets etc.....so when something that was supposed to be a mere formality became not just a minor hurdle but a veritable brick wall that even my trusty pole vault doesn't seem up to clearing......well.....I felt the stumble starting......I changed the pace, tried to outrun it.....

Man....so close to the finish line it just so totally sucks to have a hurdle that is so significant and could cause a major derailment...... in my best moments I believe someone will break down that wall, reset the lower hurdle I was ready to leap, that exemptions will be made, a huge bureaucracy will be nimble and flexible and fast......that on Thursday at 11am I will have a license to operate as I expected to....

In my less optimistic and more fatigued moments I....... well.......I frankly don't like to think about it.  But if I do then I feel my stomach drop, my heart beat faster and the sweat break on my brow....just like those falling hurdlers must feel......

I keep running......hard.....head up.....knowing there are more hurdles ahead but believing that once this one big one is done the finish line will rise into view and that final burst of energy will be found and the tape will be breasted with joy....... tired joy.

Tomorrow I have the immense privilege of welcoming the new staff team into their new space.  I spent the day there setting it all up to make sure the welcome is warm and invigorating and not overwhelming.  I want them to feel energized, integrated and committed.  I look forward to seeing their teams come together and start the work.  I am so appreciative of their desire to embark on this journey with us.  I am ever grateful for the my trusty 2IC Jennifer who is limping along beside me also desperately searching for the finish line....she has done an amazing job.

Its a big week..... a BIG WEEK........ I am excited for that moment when we gather tomorrow and celebrate the race so far, the hurdles already cleared......next week the children and families will walk through the doors - WHAT a moment that will be....... 

Stay tuned for Thursday......that is the final hurdle......wish us luck!