Focus

The last few months have been full, busy....and although my absolute intention was not to give up my own self-care in the process, my eating plan and my exercising, well.........intention did not equal action in this case.

As the stress kicked in I started skipping meals and missing workouts as the hours at work increased.

And then I started eating crap.

Justifying little rewards for myself for how hard I was working.

The other day at despicable Walmart, where economics trumps ethics, I found myself trying to stretch a thin work budget further.  With my buggy loaded with miscellaneous child care items I reached for a chocolate bar while standing in the check out line.

I have not done that in over 2 years since I became calorie aware and made a firm decision to spend my calories more wisely.  In that 2 years since I dropped 25lbs and have kept all of it off until 5lbs crept back this summer I have eaten chocolate to be sure but I have had the discipline to not grab a bar in the check out line as I had done so often before then.

But on this very tired day I rummaged through the bars until I found the one with the least calories (Its Aero BTW - the bubbles lighten the caloric load apparently) and then I sat in the car and ate it in 5 minutes flat with my 3rd Americano of the day.

And then I felt stupid.

I know better - I have better discipline than that.......

So I have shoveled the whole hill of excuses I made all summer about not eating well and missing workouts and I have recommitted to the path I know well.

Exercise........ track the calories..... smarten the heck up!

The hard part is putting me first - not letting work or other things crowd out my time to exercise, choosing the healthier option rather than the one everyone else is choosing......going with the family for ice cream and not eating any myself and not feeling bad about that.

We love food - we have some great cooks in our house and I am so grateful for the many times food, good food has been shared with friends and family around our table.  I want all that to continue but I will have a smaller helping and load up on the veggies.

This isn't about having to be in a swimsuit in the middle of winter this year, or a million vacation photos of which at least 5 will feature me..... not entirely... It's about being healthy and yes, for me, that means thinner.....I  want  to feel strong and fit and less flabby....

My muscles are talking back this morning after a great Jazzercise class last night....feels so good.

I faced the scale.

Plugged the number into my Fitness Pal app.

Set some goals and I am off.

Focused!