Disrupted

It's been a CoVID while since I was in this space. 

I'm here today to muse about disruption. 

I am feeling disrupted. 

I don't know what I was thinking my 50th year would be like but I certainly didn't envision a pandemic and an uprising. 

But here I am. 

Here we are. 

CoVid sent my work life into chaos but I kept working and going into work daily.  In quietened streets that held an eeriness that was hard to shake.  We shuttered some facilities and the others were much quieter than usual.  We made hard decisions and we had hard conversations.  

For those early CoVid weeks there was never not a pit in my stomach.  I had nightmares I was going to get CoVid.  And worse nightmares where I might give it to someone.  I woke up many nights gripped with anxiety. 

Separated from friends and family  - even scared of one another - everyone trying to stay safe physically but exacting an emotional toll we have yet to calculate or understand.  

Disrupted from each other. From Community.

Days became weeks and weeks months and the news close to home gave us hope.  My chest felt less constricted and my mind less frantic.   

And just as CoVid fatigue was setting in... the fatigue of operating an organisation in such times as these with never ending protocols and shifting expectations ... the fatigue of line-ups and shortages - the fatigue of not easily being with family and friends... bone-weary fatigue of not being able to see the future, to plan, to know when does the "new normal" begin?  

When to stop feeling disrupted? 

George Floyd.  

"I can't breathe"

A crisis on top of a crisis. 

Perhaps the rawness of how I was already feeling, perhaps my shock at the complacency I had allowed myself to believe in... I found my myself doubly disrupted. 

These feelings of rage and impotence are not new to me.  But I had let them become dulled and distant.  I have felt the weight of my whiteness almost all my life. I have been aware of my white privilege almost all my life.  And for years it activated me and now I found myself 50 and in Canada and unacceptably comfortable with the status quo.

It would be so easy to point south of the 49th and say "thank goodness that's not us" (and I am) but that is a fallacy.  Canada has much to answer for.  And I, a Canadian citizen and voter, have to be part of the process. I need to be reactivated to sit in the discomfort I feel in being white and to figure out how I am going to be ally with Black Lives Matter in a way that is authentic and sustained and acceptable.  

This week I listened to black women a lot - I centered my social media feeds on their voices and stories and listened and I learned.  My heart was "cracked wide open" at their stories, eloquence, rigor and wisdom.

My thinking and my heart were once again disrupted.

My faith, grown dull and disconnected, was disrupted.  

I hate disruption.  I am a creature of routine and stability and equilibrium.

But so far my life has taught me that the periods of greatest growth have always been when I am disrupted.  When I am forced to think and act, when I need to learn from others, when I need to de-centre myself and re-centre others ... when I need to STOP dong some things and START doing other things.  

Will I embrace this CoVid / BLM disruption - HELL YES. 

I am not going to preach here and give lists and resources - I'll do my work and you, if you choose to be part of the disruption of white supremacy and systemic racism, will do yours.  

"

“Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God’s Law and Prophets and this is what you get."
Matthew 7:12 The Message 

My family and friends are all liars

My family and friends are all liars

And I couldn't love them more

For a couple of weeks my spidey senses have been on high alert for anomalies in communication and planning about my 50th birthday. 

I was sure something fishy was going on but I couldn't quite put all the pieces together though I spent a few sleepless hours trying.

As it turns out I could never have guessed what was really happening.

I was told I was going for a walk at Terra Nova Nature Park and then brunch with 3 girlfriends in the City.  I had guessed this was unlikely to be the truth.

It was pouring rain on Saturday morning and a walk in the park seemed a silly idea so I proposed meeting for coffee in the village.  

This only prompted more lies and so at 10:30am yesterday I arrived at Terra Nova to walk.  Emily and Viv seemed happy to be setting out in the rain - I followed along suspiciously scanning the park for signs of....something.  

Just minutes into our walk we "bumped" into Kate also mysteriously out walking in the rain.  After some Hello's Emily and Viv promptly said goodbye and walked away leaving a bewildered me with Kate, who was not randomly walking there as it happens, who ushered me over to a wheelbarrow full of plants and together we planted her gift to me as we chatted.  That planter was delivered to my front door before I got home!  

I was starting to get the picture when Kate promptly said we needed to continue our walk ...so we did and soon rounded the corner and I saw someone alongside the path up ahead.  As we approached Kate said goodbye and I greeted Fil by asking him if he had a license to be fishing in the that ditch.  He proceeded to do a one-man one-act play that encompassed all of our best fishing stories/encounters from the past several years - it was magnificent. 

He soon had me walking on along the path until we spied a beautiful sculpture just off the path - the gift of Katharina who couldn't be there but left a gift of nature and creativity - amazingly beautiful. 

Fil and I walked on in gentle, lovely conversation until I spied a bright umbrella on the bridge ahead under which one Jennifer stood.  Fil was gone and Jennifer - my colleague of 19 years offered me the gift of a letter she had written  - she read it to me as we walked and cried and laughed - a good summary of our relationship.  A letter I'll treasure forever as I treasure her now.

Soon a band of Hofs emerged from behind a huge tree and Jennifer was gone. My beloved Hofs had props for a photo shoot, paper boats for a regatta and friendship bracelets made by my precious Penelope.  That would have been enough but Graham told a story that ended with him and Laura giving me a fund that I can use to encourage young entrepreneurs as I had once encouraged him.  A gift so stunning and so insightful it took my breath away with gratitude.

They soon had me walking on and soon I spied that beautiful girl of mine walking towards me.  YES!  This I had guessed correctly and I was very happy to see her face in spite of her deceptive ways!  She had a picnic, with a tablecloth, all ready for me and despite the rain we sat down and had a picnic reminiscent of so many we have had before -  and boy was I hungry by then (the promised brunch never having materialised!) so I devoured the cheese and crackers!

As I was munching my parents popped out of nowhere and showered me with beautiful words of love and a poem my Dad wrote and performed.  We shared our snacks and visited a while and soon they left. 

Lindsay and I were soon walking on until we came to a clearing where a man stood with a guitar under a tarp strung in the trees.  His name was Brian and although we had never met he began to play one of my favourite songs "Landslide" .... and standing there, with my daughter tucked in close beside me, in the gently falling rain... more tears.

We walked on and came to another corner - Lindsay pulled out an iPad and there was a video message from my godson Arlo and his beautiful Mama Juli... so charming and full of good memories.

We walked on and soon Mr Allan Byres emerged from the bushes - he received a swift smack for his stellar performance of an ignorant and uniformed bystander when he was, in fact, fully apprised of the whole plan!!  He read me a lovely and loving message from our son who is too far away to be here. And then he revealed his gift to me of something off my bucket list I can hardly believe.  You'll be along for this ride on my actual birthday next Saturday  - I'm SO SO excited. 

We then walked on and arrived at the Red Barn to all the gathered players now warm and dry and a beautifully decorated room and table and a feast of indian food made by our friend Nav.  My beloved friend Emily had every detail covered and was the creative mastermind of it all.  She created this gift for me that is beyond words and my gratitude is deep and wide. 

We had lunch together - we talked, we laughed, we dissected the lies, talked about the plans and finally had a cake with thankfully less than 50 candles.

It was THE BEST morning - it was so well planned and so beautifully executed - my heart was over flowing.  It's easy to show up at a party or a dinner but none of this was easy and the thought, effort, intention and love that went into every detail is utterly humbling.

I was well loved, so well loved. 

I am so incredibly lucky.  

All the lies are forgiven.

xoxoxo

PS: Still not actually 50  - T-minus 6 days

It's coming

In less than two weeks there will be a great disturbance in the Force ... or something... and I will be 50.

A good number of my closest friends have already passed this milestone.

A good number of my friends are turning 50 in 2020 - Hello Grad class of 1987 

A good number of my friends think 50 is OLD

I am having trouble figuring what to think about turning 50 nevermind how I feel about it. 

It's doesn't feel like just another birthday.

It feels big - it feels like I should feel something big.

It's a taking stock kind of moment as the decade birthdays often are. 

So here's where I am tonight.

Tonight I am thinking of what I regret in my life so far:

I regret spending so much time worrying (not that I am likely to stop doing so)
I regret all the times I wasn't brave with my truth
I regret the times I said YES when I meant to say NO
I regret yelling at my kids - every time
I regret rushing  - not slowing down and being present in the moment
I regret the hours of my life I spent in the car outside an event because I/We were early (ok not really)
I regret not apologising sooner - or at all
I regret the times I said No when I meant to say YES
I regret the years I was fueled by fear
I regret I didn't reach out more - connect more - because I didn't feel worthy
I regret the times I sulked for days 
I regret letting relationships I cared about go 
I regret the times I snapped at someone or was sarcastic when they needed kindness
I regret not believing taking care of myself was a valid task
I regret not realising the end of something / or the beginning of something 
I regret every hug or kiss I missed because I was angry or hurt
I regret all the bacon (no I don't but maybe I should) 

I could go on... but I might regret that too... What I mean to say is that while I have SO much to be grateful for and there is so many more blessings and joys than these regrets... but to pretend they don't exist is to tell only part of my story. 

I guess one doesn't get to 50 with some missteps - big and small - but that I can say them out loud, or at least type them, must surely mean they shaped me into who I am - and I am learning to be ok with her.  With 50 year old Nicola Lesley Byres.  Some days I am even proud of her and some days I am excited to see what happens next. 

Tonight though, I am feeling like this is a good place to start the next couple of weeks of celebrating 50 trips around the sun.

------------          ----------          ----------        ----------       ---------
PS No Birthday greetings yet please - I have a few more days of my 40's to enjoy!

2000 - 2020

Well that snuck up on me and honestly if my colleague, with a brain for dates, hadn't pointed it out I would likely have missed it all together.  

I have been at this desk - this very desk as it turns out (welcome to non-profit life) - for 20 years today!

Truth be told I was at it before then but only on a contract for a few months before a baby boy arrived in my life.  

January 17th, 2000 I started at this job.

That seems completely crazy.  

That 2000 person with a newborn and a 2 year old seems a lifetime ago and yet.... and yet...it seems like yesterday.

I remember those first weeks so clearly.  I was working 2 jobs  - this one and one as a Ministry Social Worker -they were hectic, full days.  

I was such a rookie.  

I feel nothing but gratitude for all I have learned and for the ways I have grown.  It has not always been easy and last year was the hardest by far.  There have been the requisite highs and lows but I am richer for the people I have worked with and the families I have worked for. 

To live and work in my community is a gift - to see babies grow up and go to school and graduate highschool and university and... oh boy... I bet there will be some weddings soon.  

Our vision statement is "Changing the world by honouring childhood".  They jury may still be out on changing the world but this I know... I have been changed by my work.  It has shaped me, challenged me, brought me to my knees, lifted me up and taught me SO much.  

I was tempted for a moment to feel like a failure that I have been doing the same job for so long but those feelings were quickly changed to gratitude for all this journey has been.

What does the future hold?  

I have no real idea but I have lots of ideas and lots more to accomplish - early childhood and early childhood educators are my passion - to work in a job that holds both your intellect and your heart is a gift I won't easily give up. 

Thank you to all those that have worked alongside me, served on my Board, trusted us with your children, supported me... it takes a village to grow an Executive Director and this one is more grateful for her village than you could ever know.

Target acquired

When they hand you your baby in the hospital your first thought is NOT "I wonder if she/he will get a degree one day?"

Your thoughts are much more about whether you will survive the next 2 days with this entirely dependent new human you are supposed to know what to do with. 

Surprisingly soon in the life of the human, a person enters your life and wants to discuss a Registered Education Saving Plan.  If you are able you sign up the brand new human for lofty future goals.

When said child is 3 you wonder if they will actually live to realise the funds being set aside. 

Then they hit school and occasionally, when parentally expedient, you remind said child that studies are important and money is being saved and opportunities should not be squandered (aka do your damn dictee).

Highschool starts out and once Grade 9 and the mean girls and the awkward boys have been survived the words "Post Secondary" start to appear in your vocabulary.  

While you nightly pray they say "No" when necessary and pay the slightest attention to school work ...they start to dream dreams of spending their RESP.  You possibly plead with higher powers that it will be close to home...like a bus ride away.

And then suddenly there are University brochures on the kitchen counter and your daughter has carefully calculated the exact mark in each subject she needs to attain her University of choice and while the parents hold their collective breath she not only gets into said University but wins a scholarship.  A feat made utterly surprising by her complete lack of doing homework for 12 years of schooling.

That feat was achieved for Miss Lindsay B a little over 4 years ago.  

Tonight at 8pm after delivering her first solo presentation she will officially have a BA.Psych degree from the University of Victoria!!! 

To say we are proud is an understatement.  Of course for the way she has taken on her studies and done the work and passed the stats course and aced the psych and socio courses..... so proud.

But so much more than that we are proud of how she launched into the world and figured it out and grew up and matured and is a person who we absolutely adore and love being around. 

She navigated residence life with gusto  - our introvert pushed herself hard to connect and join clubs and teams and she found some people who will be forever friends.  She had a ball, learned how to haul laundry up three flights of stairs, how to do the bus-ferry-bus routine to get home, how to manage cafeteria food and pull pranks (and other things we delightfully know nothing about!)

And after that she opted to live alone in her first little apartment.  Boy that was a hard year... loneliness, illness, tequila-gate... she figured it all out out with a little help from home.  And a certain boy arrived on the scene on St. Patrick's Day at a party... of course!

3rd year and a whack-a-doodle land lady and a tiny shared suite.  Surf club in Tofino and figuring out dating and sharing space again. 

4th year - the best - a house with friends - best friends - lovely and loving friends and so many hikes and meals together and sharing life . Another oddball land lady well handled by mature girls who fought for their rights and won the day. 

And all the while working at a child care centre many many shifts a week as an Educator,  doing good and important work in sometimes trying circumstances.  While that RESP covered tuition she mainly worked to pay the rest with only a little financial help.  Cooking fantastic meals, doing yoga and going to the gym.  She traveled overseas with us and managed all the emotions of that trip.

And now - this final semester  - living with that Boy from 2nd year who we have all grown to love - in a beautiful apartment with a view of the ocean. 3 final courses - now DONE.

It's been an honour to watch her journey and we are sailing over to celebrate this weekend.  Not just the degree but all the living and learning she has done. 

Miss Lou... we love you to the moon and back and forever.

Congratulations !

Mom and Dad
xoxoxo

What 2019 taught me about POWER

(My report to the 2019 AGM)

I took a long time to decide on how to approach my report this year – my 20th AGM.  I usually spend time talking about the high points of the year, the achievements and accomplishments, the great and good things we did. 
Many good and amazing things did happen this year - However 2019 took a dark turn right off the bat on January 3rd.  And we started down a difficult and often devastating path.  As I tried to wrestle all that this year has thrown at us I came to see it in terms of POWER.   As with many things POWER has both positive and negative connotations and we have faced both aspects of POWER this year.   Come with me on an exploration of our journey alongside POWER this year. 

POWER OF ALLEGATIONS
An allegation is a story someone believes to be true.  But an allegation has to be investigated and proven for it to actually be true.  What I learned this year is that an allegation in and of itself, with or without investigation, and even after an investigation proves this allegation to be unsubstantiated – an allegation has the POWER to destroy.  Truth becomes a victim to the allegation and the allegation becomes the truth people hear and often believe.  
This awareness of the POWER of allegation has made me very cautious of the words I use.  Cautious of the stories and words I hear or read about and determined to seek the truth in all circumstances.


POWER OF SOCIAL MEDIA
I don’t think anyone needs convincing that media generally and social media specifically have immense POWER.  In the social media world fact and truth are often distorted or completely ignored and the viral, sensational photograph or sound bite is fanned by every share and like.  Even knowing this I was completely unprepared for the devastation of a social media campaign against us would cause.  In early January I was up monitoring social media for 48 hours straight, received over 160 personal messages and watched over 500 comments being made about our organisation which included threats of violence against me personally and against members of our staff.   I won’t dwell on this aspect of POWER as it is extremely painful to do so but I will record one moment of victory in all this mess was when the combined power of parents and a legal challenge caused Facebook, in a very rare move, to remove the post.   
I am more aware than ever that social media is a powerful medium for positive and negative and we all have a responsibility to be good digital citizens and consumers. 

POWER OF COMMUNITY
Let’s move on to a more positive aspect of POWER.  It is such a truism that when the chips are down you find your people, your community.  Just as the barrage of threats and vitriol reigned down on us we saw our community showing up.  Firstly I will forever be indebted to the Centres families for how they showed up for us in those dark days.  They not only showed up… they fought hard for us, loved us in practical ways and not one family left.  This is a testament to the staff at the centre.  They had solid, trusting relationships with families and it paid off BIG TIME.  Our colleagues in stood by us, stopping by with chocolates and cookies – the love language of all ECE’s, the  Board showed up, the staff teams across the society stood in solidarity, parents from other centres sent letters of support, past parents and past staff spoke up, colleagues near and far sent messages of concern….it was humbling and my gratitude for all of it is hard to express.

POWER OF REPUTATION
I have always know how important reputation is – how important the reputation of an organisation is.  I have seen our reputation grow over 20 years – heard people say they heard about us from their sister, friend, colleague, neighbour.  They heard we were “good”, that this was a good place for young children to be.  I saw those years of good reputation pushed right to the edge of the cliff this year but we did not go over that cliff.  We did not lose that reputation.  And why is that?  Because you cannot erase over 2 decades of moments of building relationships, of coming alongside families, of encouraging creativity, curiosity,  supporting competence.  The sum total of all that incredible, hard, messy work done by every ECE that has every worked for us equaled the power of our reputation when we needed it most. 
Let us never underestimate all those moments spent making us who we are – they matter.

POWER OF ADVOCACY
Advocacy is standing up for something you believe in.  It’s fighting for what you believe is right.  I have done this many times on many topics from being an anti-apartheid activist, to being a member of the Coalition of Child care advocates fighting for a national system of early childhood education in Canada to a new role I am learning about being and advocate for the planet and environmental issues. I have no doubt there are many advocates for many different issues in this room tonight.  Advocacy is powerful and I had a ringside seat to some profound advocacy this year.  The Board of Directors was called on to advocate hard this year and they never flinched.  They spent hours, many late at night and on weekends, reading, talking, writing and all in pursuit of advocacy for our work.  In particular the Board Executive have stood firm in defence of us and they continue to do so as the battle continues, the appeals and reconsiderations are ongoing and so is their advocacy.  I, on behalf of all of us, are deeply indebted to them for their time, their wisdom, their determination and their unflagging advocacy. 

POWER OF GOOD WORK 
Hard years come and go, they follow great years, precede ok years, are interspersed with awesome years.  What never changes – has never changed in my 20 years of being in this organisation – is the good work.  
This isn’t just any work.  This is life changing, world changing work – our vision statement is no joke, no letterhead tag line – it is the real guiding light of our everyday work – Changing the World by Honouring Childhood.
This honouring childhood means SO MANY things – it’s how the classroom looks,  it’s the books chosen, the art supplies offered, the songs sung, it's the tears wiped, the knees bandaided, the hard conversations with families, the collaboration with colleagues, it’s wiping noses,  giving hugs, setting boundaries, it’s laughing and taking deep breaths, it’s reading articles, preparing for family Fridays, it’s quietly rubbing backs at nap time and it’s running in the park…it is ALL OF THIS and it is everything in between all of this – the seen and the unseen, the obvious and the extra mile and is done by the incredible women sitting in this room.  They do the good, hard work everyday.  They are committed to the vision and do the work to move us towards it.  
Staff come and go and sometimes we are worn down by those changes but when I look out at the room tonight I am grateful for the role each ECE takes in our story.  
We do good work.  It is powerful.

POWER OF VULNERABILITY
Dr Brene Brown says “ Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think. When we’re fueled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering “You’re not good enough” in our ear, it’s tough to show up. We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it.
We’re hungry for people who have the courage to say, “I need help” or “I own that mistake” or “I’m not willing to define success simply by my title or income any longer.”
I walked this very hard path this year and I came to a point of vulnerability – I had worked myself to a standstill fighting for the organisation, for the centre, for my colleagues.  I was determined and relentless in showing up … until I couldn’t do it anymore.  Until I shed some of the first tears in my career at work and I needed to step aside and show up for my own sanity.  Sending an email to the Board and my colleagues saying I needed time to rest and process, and some help to do that was a moment that brought me to my knees... but in a powerful way it brought me back to myself and to my WHY.  When I gained some perspective on long walks on the dyke, in my therapists office, in the embrace of my family and friends I found my strength renewed.  I found my strength in seeing the work you all do, the way you all show up, day after day.  I was humbled and I was grateful.  I want to read this well known quote by Theodore Roosevelt and I am putting it up for you to read it as I do.

We were all in the arena this year and no doubt 2020 hold arenas for us all but let’s dare greatly together and keep showing up for ourselves, for one another and for the children and families counting on us to do so.

POWER OF HOPE
Willpower, determination, and strength alone will not help to overcome whatever we are struggling with. Sure, they are important characteristics. However, the key ingredient that makes everything else possible is hope. 
Hope seems so intangible, easy to say but hard to really grasp.  “I hope things get better” is a platitude we easily pass on to anyone struggling. And we should offer that because hope is a life preserver thrown into rough seas that we can cling to and I know I did.  
In our work there is SO much to HOPE for – it is the powerful driving force of all we do because we hope for the very best for our Educators, for every child and the people attached to that small person, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunties, uncles, godparents, friends… Hope is the pebble thrown into a pond that sends out rings that carry us forward.
I am filled – to the very top of my fast greying head – with HOPE for our organisation.  We have work to do and such amazing ECE’s to do it and Families who have given us their great trust and support – just imagine what we – TOGETHER - can accomplish. 
I am with Barbara Kingsolver when she says “The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof” 

FINALLY – The POWER OF STORY
2019 told a story of life in this organisation – but it is only 1 chapter in a 22 chapter book so far.  2020 will tell a new story and so far as we can we will build on all that we have learned in 2019 and write a new story – a hopeful, joyful one that moves us to live into our vision of “Changing the world by honouring childhood”.

Shelter In Place

When you live in an earthquake zone you learn a certain lingo as you prepare for the BIG ONE.  

That shaker that will bring the region to its knees - sometime in the future - could be tomorrow or in 100 years.  

We do drills and count to 60 slowly before emerging from under desks or tables or behind couches. 

And then we assess if we can "shelter in place" if the building is safe or if evacuation is needed. 

"Shelter in place" is the best case scenario as we wait out the chaos outside using the emergency rations we have carefully prepared to be self-sufficient for 72 hours... you've done that right?  

I digress. 

I am on stress leave.  

That I needed more than 7.5 days likely does not come as a shock to you. 

So I have been trying to take a few more days.  

It was going well.  I was doing things that made my heart happy - that connected me with people I love - that helped me get perspective.  I had hikes and beach walks planned.

And then as I was heading to water my veggies on Tuesday afternoon I made a maneuver I make everyday - a u turn outside my house - but my intentions were misunderstood by the driver behind me  (possibly because I didn't signal) who went to overtake as I went to swing around - KABOOM.   

It's hard to describe that moment of impact if you have never experienced it - and it was right into my driver side.  Thoughts swirl and tumble through your head as you try and make sense of what just happened.  The other driver was on the other side of his vehicle and fine if a bit shaken up and no doubt disbelieving that his brand-new-first-ever-car was just clobbered.  Of course it was in our neighbourhood and we know him.  It was my fault - despite all my careful checking and believing the path was safe and I have a fine to prove it :(

As I tried to come out of the fog of shock and started to feel the effects of having ones body hammered by a car - I tried not to throw up and pass out.  Fortunately Allan was there in a moment and he handled most of the aftermath for me.  

I ended up at a clinic and have whiplash on the left and some lovely bruises and aches and pains.  

Bad enough at any moment ...but now... right now...in my world.... it's a struggle to make sense of. 

I got back behind the wheel yesterday and boy was that hard and sweat inducing.  And I taught my last class last night because that what I do. 

But today - today I "sheltered in place" - I needed to stay in bed for a few hours to rest - I actually slept for 2 hours (ok 1h 40 mins) this morning....I lay in bed trying to wake up for another hour. 

It felt like an escape - a little white oasis in the storm - I think I could have stayed there all day but I had 10 emails and 4 texts and a work crisis to deal with and a batch of long promised cookies to bake. 

It is 8:15pm now and I as soon as I hit post on this I am headed back to my bed.  It's still bright daylight outside and it's hot and stuffy upstairs but I'd bet my crumpled silver Mazda 5 that I'll be asleep pretty darm soon. 

And tomorrow I intend to "shelter in place" just as long as the world allows. 

PS: Anyone have a great Car Broker who can save me the pain of new car shopping?