The engine light came on in my mazda on Saturday.
And it caused the car to lose power while I was driving. It was barely inching forward. I parked it and called Allan. And then my parents - feeling strangely adrift at thought my trusty zoom zoom was ill. And I was without a vehicle.
After making all kinds of plans and contingencies I got in, turned it back on and despite the continuing presence of the engine light the car drove normally.
I drove home slowly.
It is now sitting outside the mechanics garage waiting for a scan tomorrow to reveal what is troubling it.
Of course I hope it's just a sensor and not the transmission or something else huge and costly. Fingers CROSSED. Please please please
If I had an engine light.... that signalled trouble... it would have come on last Monday morning.
And although I could have used the warning I surely could not have managed a loss of power. A crisis at work is no time for anything other than full energy, focus and attention.
Of course this, in a week my Dr changed some of my medication, and despite our best hopes my sleep is decreasing not increasing.
By Friday I left the office, crisis unresolved, feeling pretty ragged and yet a lengthy TO DO list for the weekend stared me down.
But in a remarkable show of maturity I turned off the alarm clock (alas to no avail sleep-wise) and I pared down the TO DO list to essentials - like baking cookies and making lasagne and doing the groceries. Ok maybe laundry too. And a few work related must-do's.
And then I let the rest go.
I let go the desire for a perfect looking house when my leadership team gather here for a retreat tomorrow. I let go off dozens of small details I still wanted to accomplish on our guest room for a friend arriving from South Africa on Wednesday - the room is lovely and comfortable and clean - a complete redecorate, was I realise, unnecessary. I did not gut the Laundry room as I intended, I shall simply close the door. The chest freezer remains in need of a defrost - I shall simply chip back the ice advancing over the top.
Instead I spent time with Allan between his bouts of Masters work. I visited with friends, caught up and connected. I ate good food. I drank good coffee. I browsed a very odd flea market with my co-adventurer EV... I walked many steps, marvelled at the sunshine however briefly it appeared, turned back the clocks and tried not to grump about the early darkness it brought or how many clocks I had to change. I chatted with my kids - gosh...I love those two.
And so while the Mazda engine light may signal something dire (please please please be a sensor) , my own engine light was dealt with with gentleness and connection and is thankfully now off....I'm powered back up to face the week!