"No Thanks"

I had a feeling I might be getting an iPad for Christmas.

Once I found my suspicions were correct I said "No Thanks".

Once again leaving me with the dubious reputation of "worst person in the world to buy a gift for"
and a very perplexed spouse.

I did actually, at one time, think and iPad WAS what I wanted.  And as my eye sight deteriorates a larger screen seems advantageous.

But here's the thing..... having an iPad worries me.

I am already far too attached to my iPhone. 

Far too attached.

As much as I would use an iPad, would enjoy an iPad for many things I think I have proved to myself that I cannot be trusted not to cede far too many hours to that iPad.

So I have said "no, thank you"

Leaving my family in despair.

"What now?" they ask....."Where is your list?"

I honestly have given these questions a lot of thought.  

It's only fair if I decline their big idea that I at least make an attempt to come up with an alternative.

But as soon as I start my conscience kicks in..... I really want for nothing.....sitting here in my warm and cozy living room.....

It doesn't help to imagine that money is no object because it is.... it's a constraint and I want to be wise.

I am sure I could be more stylish but asking a husband to buy clothes brings on hives and he knows me well enough to know if he gives me cash or a gift card I will likely spend it on others.

And this is the massive contradiction I find myself in.

I love buying for others and yet I am totally lousy at knowing what I want to receive.

My joy is more in watching others open their gifts than in opening mine.

I know that makes me a royal pain in the patoot for those wanting to demonstrate their love in a tangible way, who also want to see my joy.

This year has taught me so much about appreciating the small things,  the little gestures, the quiet moments... to appreciate what I already have, to be settled in my heart, not longing for more of anything.

So my apologies to my family.....for being useless at a gift list....remember this....there is always coffee....and books - I love books.....

Maybe this is a guide that would work for me?

Do any of you have trouble with gift lists?