mael·strom

noun \ˈmāl-strəm, -ˌsträm\

Definition of MAELSTROM

1: a powerful often violent whirlpool sucking in objects within a given radius 

I have been in a maelstrom of emotion for the last 36 or so hours since the images of Sandy Hook Elementary started to flitter across my computer screen.  I was sucked into the "what if's" and "might have been's".

I imagined how I would feel if McMath Secondary was in lockdown.  

With my whole life inside it.  

I touched the grief of Sandy Hook - from afar and very briefly. 

And I wept. 

I texted Allan and asked him to hug the kids for me.  

I almost drove over there so strong was my physical ache to feel them in my arms.

David called me to tell me he loved me........ I was undone.

I was/am SO grateful.  

That my children came home.  And my husband, a teacher.  

I went to bed sad and numb and praying without knowing what to pray really.  

What to ask for?  

Answers? Peace? Comfort?

For me..... for them?

In stark juxtaposition I woke early this morning and sat in my quiet house, a dog's tail thumping gently near my feet, bacon cooking, coffee brewing, a cup of warm tea in my hand..... peaceful and warm.  And as my sleepyheads emerged from their warm beds I marveled at the grace afforded me that they would wake and hug me in their warm, tousled, just-awakeness when others would long for that and never have it again.

And this afternoon I drove to a wedding in gently falling snow and beheld the joy and hope that is every wedding. It did not matter a whit that the entire service was in Spanish - the love and the joy were evident in every smile, every look, every warm embrace as a beautiful bride and handsome groom declared their love before a loving congregation.

As I drove home I felt myself in the maelstrom.... caught up in so many thoughts, so many conflicting emotions.  Grateful and angry, sad and hopeful, sorrow and hope..... knowing that each emotion has its its place, does not cancel the other out, is valid and personal and yet universal.

As the snow turned to rain I looked over to the west and saw the sun trying to break through on the horizon as dusk settled.

I took a detour down to the river as the sun broke through the clouds - a brief glimpse of sun through the storm clouds, across the stormy river.  

I hold on to that sight as a sign of hope. 

Light does indeed conquer the darkness and good will conquer evil - I believe that.  

 It starts with me.  With us.  

A song that soothes my soul........ strengthens my faith.

Sometimes He calms the storm (you tube video)

Lyrics
All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place
- Scott Krippayne

Not the Tiger-Mother...... Yet!

They opened the booking for Parent-Teacher conferences at 9am on Friday.
I got through at 10am and requested to meet 8 teachers.
4 for Lindsay and 4 for David.
At 4pm my friendly school secretary RM called me back with my schedule.
I got home at 4:30pm on Friday to two report cards containing
9 A`s
6 B`s
and a very shocking and upsetting C+ which has since been dealt with.

So I got the expected surprised looks as I walked into each classroom today.  A couple straight-out asked why I was there at all?

Allan and I spent most of our Sunday morning breakfast date discussing these interviews, that I would do solo for the most part, and had a couple of questions or inquiries for each teacher.

Each teacher was prepared and had the full marks sheet to show me.
We discussed the children and their academic progress.
We talked about ways to improve.
We shared with one another how they were doing at home and in the classroom.

And although I did not once use all of the allotted 15 minutes (as I dashed from B wing to C wing and back 8 times) in every case I thanked the teacher as they thanked me and we agreed it was a great chance to know one another and our children a little bit better.

I am so proud of how well the children are doing. 

Lindsay has turned things around dramatically after a tough year last year and will again be on the Honour Roll.  She learned some valuable lessons last year about letting a bad attitude towards a teacher affect her own work.  She has taken on a subject like math where her confidence was flattened and turned out a hard worked for B and earning a remark that "Lindsay is a great kid to have in class because she asks questions and is attentive" from a demanding teacher.  Every teacher expressed to me what a lovely, respectful and intelligent girl she is and how she adds to the classroom discussions in thoughtful ways.  She knows what she has to do to get some better grades and I have every confidence she will do it but school will come and go and her character will endure and I couldn't be more delighted that her 15 year old self is so delightful and caring and smart.

David has taken to highschool like the proverbial duck to water.  He is in a very bright co-hort and can show his intelligence without holding back.  With near perfect scores in Math, Science and Mandarin and teachers who said "I wish every student was like David", he wears his eager curiosity on his face and dives wholly into his learning.  He is a confident, friendly, chatty student that his teachers clearly know and enjoy.  He has a great group of funny and smart friends and feels very at home at school (if you know what I mean).  To know David is happy and thriving in school is such a tremendous joy to me and to know that academically the sky is the limit is such a blessing.

Lest you think they are all perfect..... let me just say..... they stand at the edge of a cliff..... their very own "fiscal cliff" as it were...... except their cliff is the coming "Homework Cliff".  Our generosity in allowing our children to make their own decisions about homework and our trust that when they say it is done that it IS, in fact, done is slowly dying.  There will have to be some new agreements in place January 1, some new resolutions agreed to, or the Tiger Mother hidden inside me may just emerge.

And no one wants that.

To the teachers, whose classrooms are too small (and some had no heat today!), marking loads too high, who met with many parents well after school hours today with no paid overtime (and then went home to mark 30 essays), who knew my child, who were honest and open with me, who wanted to understand my child more and better, who thanked ME for coming in.....I salute you....you are SO important and your work is SO important.

And for those of you wondering.....I did not book an appointment to talk to Teacher Dad......turns out his classroom is a glass box and we couldn't have made out anyway......and besides our kid is getting an A in his class.

Pinnable

This quick teacher/mentor gift idea, that came to me on the fly last week, would be pinnable on Pinterest if I were on Pinterest ......... but alas I am not....... yet......

I was in the nursery store and saw that here (northern hemisphere) bulbs are on half price as it is ALMOST too late to plant them for the spring (but not quite). 

So I scooped 20 daffodil bulbs for $10 and...... Voila! 

I did these for my fellow college instructors for our Holiday get together last Saturday.  It took me 20 minutes to assemble 10 bags.  $15 for 10 gifts.

I included instructions for planting

O Christmas Tree......

As my kids get older, and as the time for teenage rebellion is upon us, I am never sure which traditions or rituals I hold dear will endure.  This year I have been so pleased that so far all the family traditions of old are still being embraced and enjoyed (and thankfully very few and infrequent signs of any rebellion - fingers crossed).

On Friday they happily went off to my parents to help my Mom put up her Christmas Village and they had a lovely evening being grandkids.

Today, though icy rain was falling, they hopped in the truck for the annual Christmas tree selection.  It was a scant 4 degrees and cold and raining and so the usually protracted back and forth of the various merits of each tree was slightly abbreviated although Lindsay still managed to name a tree "Neville" and make us all feel terrible for rejecting Neville and choosing a rather more plump yet elegant 8' Douglas Fir.

We wised up and brought the tree stand with us this year to circumvent a certain crisis from 2 years ago when our selected trees girth exceeded the maximum extension of the stand.  Last year we didn't have a tree as we were away enjoying palm trees in Hawaii so it's lovely to have the piney smell back in the house.

We always have pizza on the day we decorate and we made a pretty fine pulled pork pizza which was lovely to share with 3/4 of the Hofs family.

Our sweet friend Penelope came over to help decorate and enjoyed putting the manger scene together and watching the Christmas tree lights and decorations go on.

As I sit here and upload photos and blog in the glow of the lights, feeling the effects of the proverbial Christmas cold creeping into my body.....I feel grateful for family, for friends, for traditions, for joy and for peace and soon for Tylenol cold.

Burn the cards

The same thing happens to me every year.

I stand in front of a bank of Anniversary cards and wonder if I am from an alien planet.

I read schmaltzy line "You make me sparkle inside" after schmaltzy line "if all the stars in the sky and grains of sand on the beach were able to be counted they still wouldn't be as much a I love you"

It strikes me as slightly insane to assert "since you first caught my eye *insert years* ago I have been living my dream life with you and know its forever for us".

My apologies if these comments resemble your life - I don't mean to diss it..... but something tells me that even you would have to admit, like most married people I know.... that marriage is often a series of messy, complicated, annoying, hurtful, frustrating moments, days and years strung together with wonderful, beautiful, heart-filling, affirming, uplifting moments, days and years.

And that string that holds it all together is a series of choices we each make to keep our promises to one another and ourselves and to try to do better, be better each day.

I don't think it serves us well on our anniversaries to only celebrate the good, the fun, the connectedness because it's likely true those things came to us through brokenness, failure and down right messiness.  And don't think we should take "together forever" as a given.

How can any card, with 5 lines, sum up the totality of what a marriage is.  The daily weariness, the shared smile across the dinner table, the fist pump at goals achieved, the memories made long ago and often recalled, the dreams of what is to come, the joy of our children, the thoughtfulness of a small gesture, a phone call to check in, the exasperation at the busyness?

It can't. 

And the Hallmark marriage may exist but I think its a rare thing. 

I get that selling cards that say "I am so grateful that you pick up your dirty clothes off the floor" or "I love you muffin top as much as I loved you 21 year old body" or "Inbox me your calendar and I will facebook you about a time we can have dinner" might not sell.....but they might be closer to the truth.

I should have made a card......I should have said what my Facebook status says now..... that through all that the last 21 years has brought us, the good, the marvelous, the wondrous, the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the agony, the high points, the low ones..... that even with what I know now.....that that 21 year old girl could not have even dreamed of or imagined....that I would say "I do" again.

I Nicola Lesley Byres take you Allan Wray Byres by the hand, and with a kiss,  and look forward together to whatever the years ahead hold.

Yes I do.

Wordless Wednesday - Insta Hits

I do a daily Instagram challenge with Clickin Mom's - here are few "good" ones from the last couple of months... (I am getting an Ollo Clip lens for my iPhone camera for Christmas - so excited!!)

Many Marvellous Meals

My friend LB has a 3 year old, a 6 month old and a herniated disc in her back.

That is not a good combination.

After some discussion about how I could best help her at this tough moment we decided making a month of (dinner) meals would be helpful.

In one day. 

Actually in half a day.

She had done it once before using THIS website as a guide.  I thought seeing as we were going to be cooking I might double some of the recipes and make some for our freezer too.  The website adjusts the ingredients per the number of servings you want to make.

If you are chopping 1.5 lbs of kielbasa you may as well chop 3 lbs...... really....

So on Friday my kids babysat hers and she and I hit Superstore with her colour-coded list..... you can see how we would be friends right?   A colour-coded list........genius!

I did the heavy lifting and we were done in under an hour.

LB and her kids arrived at 10:30am on Sunday and her hubby SB arrived a bit later.  Allan and Lindsay joined us in the kitchen and we were soon chopping, dicing, simmering, assembling, boiling, sauteeing away like a well oiled machine.  Lindsay washed pots at a furious pace to keep up as the foil containers and ziploc bags started to pile up. 

In a little over 4 hours (x5 adults = 20 hours) we had 36 meals for the freezer........ 22 for them, 14 for us which was way more than I was expecting. 

Of course LB made labels to go on the foil with cooking instructions on them.......SO clever!

And so my newly cleaned out chest freezer is full again but with actually assembled or made meals.... with all the craziness that is December that s going to help....a lot!!!

Doing it for LB was a necessity for their household at this moment and it was actually fun!  We chatted, David did a great job taking care of their kids, we hung out, there was coffee, and lunch (and the dog sat on his bed in the kitchen quietly through all this....our very own Christmas miracle)  and we all left feeling very satisfied - I think I might just do this again for January when I go back to teaching at night!

Anyone want to join us?

Fill 'em up!

Genius right?

36 meals

David holding a sleeping KB