Eve's - not my thing

6 years ago I was on a beach in Hawaii.

That was the last time I didn't suck at Christmas Eve eve.

3 years ago I famously had the carpets cleaned and the whole house smelled like a rain-soaked New Zealand sheep farm and was barely dry as the Christmas Eve dinner guests arrived.

TBH I can't even remember last Christmas eve eve but I am sure it fell short of my expectations. 

Today was another christmas eve eve that fell short. 

I was SO on my Christmas planning this year with an empty nest and all. 

I was crossing off the lists,  finding sweet deals, making plans with people.... I was on fire. 

I was also contemplative, grateful and focused on advent.

Also maybe a bit smug about just how well it was all going.

So today I have walked 7km mostly in grocery stores and my house.  

I even went into a mall today - briefly. 

The house is stocked for a few big meals, the happy turkey is chilling in the fridge, the dressing and vegetables are made for Christmas day (thanks to Allan even with an injured calf) and the table is half set. All the gifts are wrapped (except for that one I keep forgetting to do!), the lists are getting shorter, Lindsay is baking, David is out with friends.

There was no quiet family day, christmas music, cider-sipping, movie watching, shortbread munching.... no napping.

The house is a mess.  The dishwasher is running for the second time today. 

This time tomorrow we will have had a delicious Christmas eve dinner with family and friends, exchanged some gifts, be sitting in the glow of the beautiful christmas tree contemplating Christmas to come and this madness of christmas eve eve will be forgotten.   

Right now I am finally putting my feet up, sipping a glass of wine, putting Boney M Christmas on the ipod and ignoring the several tasks I should try and accomplish tonight.  

Next year, if I am not sipping Mai Tais on a Hawaiian beach I will be here, lowering my expectations of this strange day of the year - the eve of Christmas Eve.

Friends in a frosty forest

When we first mooted the idea of a December weekend in a cabin in the woods it seemed so far off in the calendar we didn't really consider that we would be heading out of town (and wifi!) for a weekend exactly one week before Hanukkah and two weeks before Christmas.  

All of us with grown families, many of us with children about to return from afar, dinners, year-end functions, shopping, baking, lists etc. BUSY!

We all wondered if this, in the end, was a wise move.  

But deposits were paid and the cabin in the woods looked so lovely that soon plans were afoot for food and forest frolicking.

We drove north out of the fog blanketing the city and into the evening on Friday arriving just before 6pm..In short order a fire was blazing, a growler was open, tunes playing and we settled in.

As the next 36ish hours unfold we exclaimed to one another, on several occasions, what a genius idea it was to be out of the city, away from the bustle.

And the surroundings were pretty spectacular - sunny, frosty, snow-capped mountains, rushing rivers, eagles by the dozen, still lakes, mossy woods.... we spent most of Saturday outside, bundled up and enjoying the immense gift of our surroundings.  

And each other.

As a clan of incredible cooks, bakers, coffee makers, wine pourers, table setters, we were spoiled with 5 incredible meals from a full French feast to perfect soup and corn bread lunch between hikes and a delicious Italian dinner and two breakfasts with fresh baked scones and loaves and croissants and no end to delicious goodies in between.  The hikes were lovely and, as you can see, totally necessary! 

We talked, we walked, some fished, some napped, we laughed, we spotted so many eagles, we sang along to Christmas music, some drank Jagermeister.

And I was deeply reminded that THIS is such a gift: good friends, beautiful Brakendale BC, wonderful food,  good conversation, warm beds.  The busy-ness of the season can be fun but slowing down and dropping out for the weekend was totally charming (and maybe needed more than we care to admit).

Thank you friends.   

Advent

The last week was a gift beyond measure with a professional development residency at work that brought deep and profound learning for many in our organisation - often resulting in tears and gratitude for the opportunity to learn from a top practitioner in our field.  

It was my dream come true and I held the week tenderly as I watched it unfold - almost unbelieving that a girl can dream, speak her dreams, convince others of them and then see them unfold.  Crazy stuff. Blessed stuff.

I left the week with my heart and mind full and my body weary.  

And the weekend held little rest.

Does December ever hold any rest?

This is a question I have sought to get to grips with this December - this Advent.  

Afterall it is the pivotal moment in my faith - without it - without the birth of Jesus ...... well really ....there is no faith at all.  

But like many I spend the time ,making lists, checking them twice, three times, 25 times.... rushing from party to event to store to amazon pick up depot .... 

But my heart feels called to more this advent.  

And I have space to contemplate, to dedicate myself to the disposition of anticipation.

In fact I have an entirely new appreciation for this disposition of advent - this anticipation of great Joy to come.... 

I too am waiting for important and beloved humans to come from away.

So much greater should be my anticpipation of Christmas morning when the baby in the manger is moved from the relative obscurity behind our homemade manger and placed in the manger scene with Mary and Joseph and the Sheperds, Angels, Wise Men (we have 4 somehow but we make the extra dude feel welcome - it seems metaphorical to have an outsider / stranger as part of the whole scene) and some sheep and cow figurines.  

We do this before we do anything else on Christmas morning. 

Lest we forget amid the gifts and food and joyous exclamations - the reason we celebrate at all.

Today I spent an hour or so with some friends and we we settled our hearts for Advent.  And then I came home and started the decorating with a twinge in my heart for the missing kids who I am missing so much (it's been a long stretch since Thanksgiving and I have a couple more weeks to wait)

I will no doubt miss the odd day of focus and contemplation but I have started well. 

The events and dinners, an anniversary, even a weekend away with friends will add to the richness of these days - remind me of the blessings of marriage and family and returning university students and friendship and living here and the privilege we enjoy.

And I will be JOYFUL.  

For if this is not a season of JOY then I surely do not know what is.