10 years

10 years ago today Allan's sister Hazel died after a brutally short illness and only in her 30's.

It sent a shockwave through our family.  

As it would.  

Hearts broke. Even from far away.

And so a journey of grief began for a son, a sister, a brother, parents, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles...friends

One life gone like a pebble thrown into a pond - ripples and ripples and ripples of sadness and pain.

And each year, that ripple bumps up against my heart again. 

But I can brace for it now.  I stand my ground and it no longer overwhelms me.  

I let it wash over me and I feel the sadness but I can remember the joy too and the frustrations and we can speak the stories to one another now without our throats closing and eyes stinging.

We can remember her satisfied smile, the twinkle in her eye and the stubbornness of her stance and so she lives on in our memories and hearts.

Grief is a strange thing/process... a decade does make a difference in some ways and in other ways we can never recover.

We carry on as family less an important person.  We are poorer for her missed presence.

Never quite who we once were.

Hazy - we love and miss you - shine bright sister.

Still going

I didn't quit the first day, even though I almost threw up, because someone said it would be hard but I would be ok

I didn't quit the second day because I didn't feel like I needed to throw up #win

I didn't quit after the first week because Coach Jeff was so encouraging

I didn't quit after the 28 day challenge because I could do 20 ankle grabs without wanting to die and lift my feet off the ground while doing russian twists.#miraclesdohappen

I didn't quit after the second month because the children were watching their mother.

I didn't quit when I levelled up to 60 minute classes.  Although I really wanted to.

I didn't quit after the first Lift class when I could only lift the bar without any weight on it. 

I didn't quit after the third month because people knew my name and I knew theirs and I finally realised it's my workout and all I have to do is MY best.

I didn't quit after a bad week in the summer when I only made it to one workout even though coming back was hard.  

I didn't quit when the kids went back to University

I didn't quit after the 4th month because the community at the Dojo was starting to feel like a place I could belong, be known, encourage others

I didn't quit after the 5th month because #roar and #noexcuses and #lastsetbestset made sense

I didn't quit after the 6th month because, though my progress be frustratingly slow, I see strength returning to my body. 

And here I am... 28 straight weeks of gym classes, buckets of sweat, a couple of tears, a fully awakened body, new friendly faces, amazing Dana and Jeff (and all the other coaches) and the big heart of Mr Maki himself.

There are many more months ahead.  

This body needs much more work.  

There are heavier weights to lift (although I can deadlift 130lbs now!) there are more muscles to be worked and toned (although my arm, 5 fractures, 3 surgeries can now hold me in a plank! But I can't do burpees yet #don'thateme) and there are more laughs, more shared moments with Allan, some rolled eyes and I may be praying for rain so they stop making us run outside so much :)

I'm as surprised as anyone to be have fallen in love with a gym.  But this isn't any gym, as it turns out.

You are never too old or too out of shape to start moving. 

If I can. You can. 

The nest

This is the second Saturday of the "empty nest".  

And to be perfectly honest..... it is quite enjoyable.

There is no doubt I miss my monkeys, a lot, and I am so proud of how they are doing out there in the world and so grateful for their communication and connection with us. 

And this nest is sure quieter in volume and activity.

With the parenting role on hold, or redirected in different ways, there is space.

Space for our spousal relationship.  We have more time to spend together, conversations are uninterrupted and timely, we are working out together, cooking together and managing to stack and unstack the dishwasher together without arguing (which was a task our children shared for years with no small amount of disagreement!).

We clean the kitchen and.... amazingly.... it stays clean! 

Our grocery bill is less than half it was.

We cannot get through a gallon of milk before it expires.

The dishwasher and washing machine run much less.

The children's bedrooms are clean and tidy and my blood pressure doesn't rise every time I walk by them - in fact I pause and look at the beauty of them. (and maybe have a little heart ache about the missing messy children)

Syncing our schedules take 5 minutes and very little logistical gymnastics

A pack of bacon lasts longer (ok not really)

The fridge, tupperware and shoe cupboards have all been cleaned out and restacked and neat.

We can eat mushrooms in everything.

We talk more to the dog.

We don't have to share the cookies.

No need to lock the bedroom door! 

It sure is an interesting new phase of life (and quite likely temporary if current statistics are to be believed).  So far I think we are doing just great.  Although I may be bugging both kids to come home for Thanksgiving - Christmas is just too long without hugs and face to face chats and laughs. 

Byres2 is wonderful but Byres4 is wonderfuller.

Better late than never!!

When one is due to enter the world on a well planned mid-august date and one decides to hang out in the womb for an extra 2 weeks and thus arrives September 1, then one will quickly determine that Sept 1 is possibly the busiest time of the end-of-summer and birthday celebrations will be haphazard at best.  

And so our beloved Mr David has found this to be the case.

We have certainly had some good celebrations but the last 2 years he was at camp and his birthday passed with little fanfare and only one slide into the ocean as per camp tradition.  This year David will be home but we, the parents, will be on the early ferry to Victoria for parental moving duties with his sibling. We will not even set eyes on the birthday boy until after 8pm! 

In many ways his tardy arrival and his lack of fuss about his birthday is a good indication of his personality.

This boy of ours, 18 today, is a laid back dude with very few demands on life.

He likes a good, crisp, shirt (he is the only family member who irons his clothes), breakfast is his favourite meal of the day, never without friends to hang out with though they be a varied and diverse group, loyal and steadfast and with little care for the what others think, strong in his faith, deeply enjoys jumping out of his bedroom door and scaring his sister, YouTube devotee, He loves to sing in the long showers he takes, has a deep love of broadway musicals and Starbucks, apparently takes amazing photographs (ah hem still waiting!!), generous and gracious and with a sharp wit!

I so love this boy - he is loving and caring and though his bedroom is a disaster, he is a procrastinator of the highest order and his text communication skills need developing - He makes me laugh, he amazes me with his breadth of knowledge on SO many subjects, he will debate his point of view to the e n d o f  t i m e, he gives good hugs and will dance with me in the kitchen, his long arms are the family selfie-stick and his smile makes my heart sing.


I cannot imagine our house without him.  

David Byres - you are such a gift to me, to our family.  

Go well - be true to yourself, eat healthy food and sleep enough, study hard and unless you want to unleash the craziness that is a mama bear far away -

learn to text more than one word at a time!!!

I love you to infinity and beyond.

Happy Birthday!!