Wordless Wednesday - Love and Light

First of all a heartfelt thank you for the love after my last post - your love and kindness overwhelmed me and lifted me up and carried me through today. Trusting tomorrow will bring good news.  For those of you trudging along similar paths my love to you!

My photos today for (almost) Wordless Wednesday come from a sustaining moment I had on the beach at sunset with Allan and Spanner last Saturday.....I messed about with the good camera mostly playing with the zoom and focus......I hope you enjoy....and thanks again for....being out there.......I appreciate you.

And my patient pals who let me mess about uninterrupted - Love you!

Dig Deep

As you all know .......sometimes circumstances in life are not ideal.

Sometimes, although you have been mocked for years for being a "catastrophic thinker", sometimes one of those "worst case scenarios" you have imagined actually happens.

It's at those times you have to dig deep.

And you hope that as you dig there is still fertile ground to dig in.....a reserve tank ready to be tapped....

You sure hope there is more even when "in the moment" you feel you have no more.

I am in a bit of a perfect storm at the moment.  

No need to bore anyone with the details.  

Work is heading into "worst case scenario" on one, very significant front.......and my safe harbour of home has also had some troubled waters.

It will all be fine...... or as it was so aptly put by someone else "It will all be alright in the end.  If it isn't alright, then it isn't the end"......

But to say I am having to dig deep just to manage day by day, hour by hour.... to manage my needs, the needs of my organisation in the midst of huge change, to manage people, to manage huge bureaucratic tangles, to manage big needs on limited budgets, to manage my home, my marriage, my teens (who are packing for a week of camp), to manage to get to jazzercise, to care for my friends, to enjoy the summer, to remember all that I need to do and to manage to get it done.... is an understatement.

.......so far I am managing most things (I will be back Jazzer I will!)

And yet in the quiet of small moments......

 moments at my desk when I look up and gaze out of the window, 
  moments when I take a big sip of coffee and feel it rush into my veins, 
   moments when I smile at someone and they smile back, 
    moments when the text message says "I miss you", 
     moments when care is shown in unexpected ways
      moments of laughter (if a tad hystrical at times)
       moments when the cool night breeze blows on me in the dark of the                                 night as I silently pray........ 

the adding up of those moments added to by the 
love of family 
and the the care of friends and colleagues ...... 

those moments fill up the reserve tank.

And on we go. 
Plan B ready. 
Relationships intact. 
Faith strong. 
Coffee in hand.

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.

Thomas Carlyle 

Crafty Mental Break

My life is utterly insane at the moment.  

My current big new facility project is off the rails.......the finish line was in sight and now it is maddeningly disappeared around a corner again.

My family have listened to so many long sad/mad rantings of mine I am sure they are sick to death of it all.

As am I!

So I was delighted to have a friends 50th Birthday Present to think about.  

I decided to hand write her 50 inspirational quotes and sayings (which was the hardest part of the project - not the writing - but finding the right/best quotes for her).

I couldn't quite decide how to present them.  

I wanted them to be pretty so they could sit out somewhere in her home and she could pull them out on any given day for a boost...to know she was loved.

A little wander around Michaels and I had a solution.  

In another triumph of creativity without the assistance of Pinterest .... here is my little project....

Ta - Da!  

Wordless Wednesday - Portland Doors

Inevitable

You know in a relationship, in the beginning, the heady rush of love and discovery.....the delight in every moment...the deliciousness of each encounter.....

And then inevitably there is THAT moment when the first chink appears - when you see something you don't like or didn't expect.

The gentle (or not) awakening that this is not perfection after all.

This was that moment for me......

It wasn't it's fault.....it was mine.......I thought I was ready to commit.....but no.....no ......I am not.

Two foodie friends called to suggest lunch.  I jumped in.....of course......I almost said anything but "Hot Pot" but I didn't want to be "that" whiny white girl......

And then we pulled up at the Hot Pot restaurant.

My armpits got sweaty.

I smiled, I mildly joked about my hesitance but overrode even my own doubts..... I can do this..... it will be great... I have loved all other Asian food until now.....lets go I bravely said.....blinded by love.....

Just the smell in the restaurant was hard to cope with...... I was in serious trouble.....in too deep......no escape.

I wanted to jump up and run next door to my favourite Vietnamese place....a happy safe place....I seriously considered bolting.....but I didn't want to be that person....who leaves after the first disappointment......so I ploughed through.

It.was.tough.going.

I ate as little as possible.  

I have never been so happy for a meal to be over.

I was sweaty and stinky and stressed.

And I was mad at Asian Food for getting the best of me...... darn it!!  I thought I had this Asian eating thing down but alas I had been caught a fool!

So when those same two foodies called again last week for lunch......I said sure!  BUT ........

They agreed - it would be white girl friendly!

And so it was - it was delicious!! Who doesn't love a bit of deep fried dough to start a meal?  Meet the Chinese donut....... I mean it....go.and.find.one.....now!

And the rest was awesome - peanutty, silky noodles, skinny spicy noodles, comforting congee........ YUM!

I AM BACK.....people.........I was not jilted ....... it was just a bump in the road in my relationship with Asian food...... Hot Pot is out-of- bounds for now but it turns out there is so much more to discover!

To my two foodie friends - thanks for hanging in there with me......where to next?

Well loved

I am likely in one of the busiest times in my career at the moment with another 6-8 weeks to go at this pace.  

Tough going, exciting, anxious...... just a lot.....to carry and manage.

And its the summer.

And my family all have more down time than I (Although Allan is teaching an online Physics course and Lindsay is taking an online physics course :)).  

So on Thursday night I voiced my desire to have a beach picnic supper on Friday after work.

By the time I came home from work they had the whole thing planned.  

I asked a few questions....and I kept hearing "We got it" "We got it"...... Allan suggested I relax and enjoy.

So I did.

They packed the truck.  They unpacked it at the beach.  They set up our spot.

A perfect spot right at the edge of the lapping ocean where I could stand in the ocean and let the cares of the week wash away...... out to sea. 

What made my hear sing is that they did this picnic exactly (maybe better) than I would.  Although they often mock my over preparedness, the fact I like to have a table and a table cloth even at a picnic....they brought it all.....even china plates and real cutlery.....They outdid me at my own game.

Not because they do things that way but because they loved me enough to do it that way.  

It brought that tight-throated, eye stinging teariness to me..... to be lucky enough to be so loved.

   I let it wash over me as the waves washed over my feet. 

      I let it fold its way around my shoulders like the breeze 

         I let it glow in my heart as the world glowed in the sunset.

I am not sure I could have been happier anywhere else in the world last night. 

I know I didn't want to be anywhere else.

It was a gift beautifully, thoughtfully and lovingly given and my heart could literally burst from gratitude and love.

Best laid plans.....

For the last 4 summers I have been meeting my high school friend Leigh (who lives in Orange County California) for a girls trip -  a la "Thelma and Louise" without the tragic ending.

We have had some adventures, seen some beautiful places, stayed in some luxurious spots, taken many photos (Leighs passion, my hobby), eaten interesting meals and made some memories.

We are both very busy women with busy jobs with much responsibility.  It is hard for us to create this space in our lives.  To get away. To sustain and grow our friendship. To do something outside of the busyness and business of regular day to day life.

We both arrived in Portland with pretty big work burdens on our shoulders. 

With my new centre opening in a matter of weeks I had to be in touch with my office or my email daily.  I had the "luxury" of a limited data plan so I checked in sparingly and used the free wifi at the hotel when necessary but was relatively out of touch (even if my head was busy with "Stuff")

Leigh was not so lucky.....her work calls started within an hour of us being at the hotel and hardly let up for the 3 days we were together.  She tried to ignore some of the emails and calls and texts but mostly she couldn't.  Clients and staff needed her and in a sales driven job in the tech sector in a recovering economy she felt she was in no position to ignore it.

Of course instead of modifying what we had planned to do we tried to do it all as well as catch up with one another and work.  

I don't think it was satisfying for either of us in the end.

We did see some new and interesting places, some beautiful landscape, took many photos, made a dash to the Oregon coast and back, ate too many meals too late to really linger and enjoy......certainly not uninterrupted.

I know I was tired going in and the pace wore me down.....I struggled with sleep, my shoulder was killer sore.....

It wasn't our best trip.  But they can't all be the best trip can they?

I am choosing to remember the bits I enjoyed.  

The drive up the Columbia River on the historic byway which passes some amazing viewpoints and waterfalls. 

The Portland Japanese Gardens in their exquisite attention to detail and the lovely dappled light we enjoyed there.  

I am never sorry to stick my toes in the sand so even though our trip to the coast was brief I enjoyed the sunset at Canon Beach.  

I enjoyed wandering in the Pearl District boutiques and shops.

I have suggested before, and maybe this trip proved the point, that a spa vacation in a good destination is in order.  A resort  where we can sleep and eat and not get caught up in a crazy itinerary that leaves us tired.  But maybe that's just the tired me talking. 

I wouldn't place bets on us getting this right anytime soon.

But I guess we just keep trying?